every now and then i wanna fall apart, but i dont got time for that
all thanks to you.
see, its like a bullet through my heart when i think of you and it was so exauhsting. My soul has never been affected this way it is damaged . getting frightened when someone touched my wrist, why didnt you stop when i said it, i never felt so small. I left me confused and hurt and in denial. i still loved you , idk why. Seeing you in every corner walking down the street was hell. right left front back there you were. i thought i was going crazy. sometimes it was good i still felt like you were here with me i knew that wasnt healthy but it felt so good to feel like you were nearby. use to go to the store on purpose just to see the store clerk bc he looked like you. 24 hours of the day was a blurr. It was like the world was on ffwd and i was on pause. Nighttime was the worst, crying myself to sleep or not sleeping staring at the wall not realizing it or there was nights i NEEDED to feel real for just a moment in time snapping that rubberband over and over and over. I remember when it was so bad i didnt wanna think of you anymore i wanted to forget you i was so soooo tired , so i drank my self away hoping il drink our memories away drink this pain away. i drank till i blacked out, even then didnt help…. i still screamed your name….
but im getting stronger each& everyday, NOW, im better than i was before I let go of the fact that you think you did nothing, the fact that you were my bestfriend my otherhalf and you stabbed me in the heart with a fucken machete . Let go of the fact that i had to let you go. Let go of the fact that it affected you like nothing but me it changed my whole being. I hate you .
Im stronger today able to see my future and not wanting to end it. Everything i know about love i learned from you, and everything i learned about pain was from you. But if it wasnt for you i wouldnt know how to let go. so now whenever i find myself alone in pieces i find myself i just remember when you hurt me and i made it!
I am scared to put myself out there, scared to trust anyone Because of you
all thanks to you
